Michele Brenton – Fifty Shades of Blue

Michele Brenton is also known as Banana the Poet. Her Alternative Poetry Books both delight and provoke and her collection Fifty Shades of Blue has become something of a delicious sensation. She is an inspirational figure in independent and self-publishing, not only producing her own wonderful poetry books but establishing a fabulous small press, Endaxi, with her husband.

You can find Michele’s work posted regularly on her award-winning Banana blog, and can buy here fabulous Alternative Poetry Books in Yellow, Pink, and Blue editions and Fifty Shades of Blue here.


The animated video of this poem is here

Fifty Shades of Blue

I was living with this girl
not like that we were just friends
and she had an interview to do
but had a broken heart to mend.
So I said I’d do it for her
and she went like, “Oh, OK,”
so I dressed up & went along
to meet this bloke called Mr Gray.

Well to cut a very boring story short
and to be quite clear
I said OMG when I saw the guy
but he luckily didn’t hear
He was like toterly GORGEOUS
in a mesmerising way
and I knew that from that moment
I’d do anything he’d say.

He looked into my limpid eyes
and his voice was soft and low
as he asked me if there were any limits
to the places we could go.
My mouth went dry and useless
while another place got wet
and I knew I had to take a chance
on whatever I might get.

He grabbed me in his steely arms
I was lost in his warm embrace.
I was toterly ecstatic as he
kissed me all over the place!
Then a mystical something came over me
no not that, disgusting – ew!!
But I found myself singing a really weird
version of Don’t Step on My Blue Suede Shoes.

And it went:
♫You can call me stupid, call me thick
you can cover me with glue and see if I’ll stick,
oh but don’t you,
don’t you step on my blue suede shoes
well you can do what you want but don’t step on my blue suede shoes

♫You can smack me in the mouth
smack me in the head
you can smack me on the bottom until it turns red
but don’t you,
don’t you step on my blue suede shoes
well you can do what you want but don’t step on my blue suede shoes.

♫You can make me shave, make me lose weight
make me be the sort of girl that other girls hate
oh but don’t you,
don’t you step on my blue suede shoes
well you can do what you want but don’t step on my blue suede shoes

♫You can roll me in the hay, roll me in the grass
you can even have a go at my sweet sweet
(I can’t repeat that bit)
oh but don’t you,
don’t you step on my blue suede shoes
well you can do what you want but don’t step on my blue suede shoes.

Well I think you’re getting the message
it just kept getting worse
as I just kept singing verse after verse after verse
and he stopped looking turned on
and instead began looking shifty
until I got to the last verse (I think it was verse fifty.)

And he told me quite kindly
(in the way that you’d expect him to
when someone’s just sung fifty verses
about their suede shoes of blue)

that we wouldn’t be suited no how and no way
and that ‘s the story of me and the sexy Mr Gray.

So I made my journey home
and I wrote this to you
and I’m toterly bummed
and Fifty Shades of Blue.

by banana_the_poet

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